STARRING ROLES
Beau Montoya (Our Hero)
281 lines, 70 scenes
Age 20-25. Thin to skinny, Fil-Am, fluent in English and Tagalog. Singing and guitar/harmonica playing are assets. Beau spends most of his screen time speaking with a forced over-the-top Texas accent.
Acting gig in Bohol, Philippines for up to 3 months with schedule priority / co-ordinates mostly with Annie, Riku.
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A-LISTERS AND AGENTS WELCOME. Call or email for script and details.
E-mail www.kingofthefeatherwars.com
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"Ya got some lip, lil' missy! I'll buy 'em back with the prize money, fer God's sake." ​ " Umm, ya got muh balls in yer hand." ​ " And he's a fussy bird — he likes milk 'stead o' water, — low fat or, even better, non-fat, oat or soy." ​ "Dad?  Dad, dad, dad.  Dad who?  Gittin' weepy aincha? ​ "I'm pantin' like a lizard on a hot rock, John boy, and it damn near got us butchered." ​ "Sis is female o' this here species. Ain't no call fer her to be talkin' tough as a bull whip when she's got me a lookin' out fer her sorry hide." ​ "To win a gal's heart, ya need a proper dick and a proper bank account. I'm a takin' care o' that first item presently. Then I aim to tear into the second. ​ "Now don't go gitten' yer undershorts in a wad. We're blowing; outta here forthwith." ​ "Well, Claude here's a show cock, a twinkie, a butternut, a French lad. But give us the odds and maybe we'll fight him." ​ "You gone loco, Sis? I done worked much tail off fer this here loot. I sure as hell need it , worse as anyone — bad karma muh perty Texas ass." ​ "I brought the crutches, sweetheart." ​ ​ ​ ​
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Annie Montoya (Our Heroine)
151 lines, 67 scenes,
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Age 18-24. Beau's twin sister, cute, innocent looking. Fil-Am, fluent in English and Tagalog. Singing and guitar playing are assets. Annie sweet demeanor belies a sharp tongue. She is the star of the band .
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Acting gig in Bohol, Philippines for up to 3 months with schedule priority / co-ordinates with Beau, Riku.
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A-LISTERS AND AGENTS WELCOME. Call or email for script and details.
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"You better be right or I'll freeking  umm. . . I'll . . . What? I'll strangle your horse. Yeah, I'll freeking strangle your horse real slow. Then I will rend you" "Fat chance of that and it's risky, Beau. Prison time if we get caught." "You can have me — 10 minutes — no rough stuff. No down-and-outs, no throating, no hershey rimming. no gag-balling, no johnny hog-legs or pegging. No snuffies, no summer cabbage nor mistle-towing." ​"Who has a pair of nuts this big? " ​
Riku (Our Villain)
186 lines, 42 scenes
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Age 40-50 Craggy, handsome, pure Japanese. Fluent in English and LA Gangsta speak. Riku is our larger-than-life bitch — insufferable but with a very slender streak of self-effacing charm.
Acting gig in Bohol, Philippines for up to 3 months with schedule priority / co-ordinates with Beau, Annie.
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A-LISTERS AND AGENTS WELCOME. Call or email for script and details.
"These monkeys know squat about the Mohawks, Pat. They'll mistake you for Mister Tee ." ​ "Wasn't like offing a hamster where you can feel the little bones breaking one at a time. Kapop, kapop, kapop-pop-pop." "You know, Brown, you're getting to be a real wise ass. Of course, the fucking chickens don't fucking understand fucking literature. You're missing the concept here." ​ "You jabbed the wrong nigga" ​ "Chicken had a death wish, OK? He barely got pff the ground, got slashed, went down in a heap . . . I was so good to that bird." ​ "Your mouth — it leaks sewage. I must of told you what, a couple of million fucking times already that I hates mustard. Looks like baby shit which reminds me of babies which reminds me of Patuk and Lisa." ​
Supporting Roles
Pat
(Beau’s little brother)
12 lines
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Age 7, Filipino, big front teeth, mohawk haircut.
Circumcision: provincial
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"You always say the F word, Beau."
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Lisa
(Beau’s little sister)
31 lines
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Age 7, Filipino, big front teeth, precocious,
Circumcision: exempt
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'Well, Pat, if you didn’t abuse the frickin’ instrument . . .
Ligaya
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(Annie and Beau’s mother)
78 lines
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Age 40, Filipino, petite, attractive.
Circumcision: exempt
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You’re disgusting, Riku . . . dog slobber hanging off your chin?
Grandmothers
(Neighborhood grannies)
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Age 70ish, Filipino, tiny, frail, white or gray hair, spindly arms and legs.
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Circumcision: group exemption
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Brownie
(Riku's sidekick)
37 lines
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Age 40, Flipino, pleasant face.
Circumcision: provincial
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"No worries, boss. I slipped her a fiver. She earned it."
Wayne
Natural Father from Texas
15 lines , 6 scenes
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Age 65, Texan, heavy accent, cowboy
Circumcision: Standard American hospital type, delayed.
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'"Umm, so yer a bit over the top on it, arncha, Son. More Mex than Tex, like you been into the Mezcal, even a mite hair-lippy.
Doug
(Annie's cockfight nemesis)
20 lines
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Age 45, British, bald, bad teeth, spectacled.
Circumcision: Portuguese Man 'o War
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"Your chubby chicken’s just a couple of flaps from the deep fryer."
Johnny
(Annie's boyfriend and tricycle driver)
22 lines, 24 scenes
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Age 20, Flipino, handsome.
Circumcision: standard provincial
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"Get out of here, Beau! How could something that small be dangerous?"
ELMER (s)
Elmer is Riku's Guinea Pig. We are looking for 3-4 ’Teddy Bear’ or similar looking pigs. Cute, cuddly, sweet disposition. We will bring them in from anywhere in the Philippines. Great part for the right little fellow(s). No nippers or pouters.
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BREEDER BOAR
Looking for a giant breeder boar (with immense melodic testicles) and an open cage tricycle with driver for transport and screen appearance. Required for 1/2 day.
Animal Roles
TARSIER
One tarsier needed for 1/2 day. This species is protected. If there are any authorized Tarsier connectors that may be able to supply a tarsier for one morning for a safe, non-threatening role/appearance of a few minutes, please contact us. We will gladly contribute to Tarsier Preservation fund.
5 CARABAOS
We need 5 carabaos (a herd with herder). We will be sourcing from Tagbilaran/Panglao Island vicinity. We will truck same to set. We're looking for slow-release high octane testosterone here. No buckers or chargers. Herder will also be in scene.
Our Fabulous Chickens
FLAPPER JACK
Weight 2.2 kg. Fighting style reminiscent of Ali’s 'Rope a Dope'. Jack flops and flips like a Mississippi griddle cake to distract opponents. A fan favorite due for retirement. Bloodied 16 times over his long career.
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YOUR-BEST-BET
Weight 2.4kg. Competent journeyman cock, reliable but unspectacular performer, Best Bet is an excellent sparring rooster that knows how to take a stroke. Bloodied 143 times.
HEN HOUNDER
Weight 2.5 kg. An avid consumer of poultrography, this cockadoodle dandy stays in shape by dry humping arena stanchions. In the ring opponents find his backward fighting style disarmingly sexy. Bloodied monthly.
SLASH-FOR-CASH
Weight 2.7 kg. One never knows how Slash is going to fight. A charismatic ring rooster with an evil disposition and a penchant for kidney slashing. When not under suspension, Slash can pay off handsomely.
COCK 'N BALLS
Weight 2.5 kg. Famous for his comical post-match interviews, this cow pen brawler hales from the Punjab. Known as Chicken Korma to his fans, Cock was runner-up in the national mixed doubles championship three years in a row. Commercially bred 64x before turning pro, he's the iconic Bollywood chicks-boy.
ADOLF aka 'der Fuhrer'
Weight 2.5 kg. Flatulent and suffering from Parkinson’s this nationally despised fowl is hands down champion of KFC braggadocio. Not a chicken to be taken lightly, Adolf’s maniacal battle cry is the sinister precursor to his egg crushing blitz kreigs. Unbloodied.
Weight 2.5 kg. This Thai Shamo was hatched in Okinawa in 2021 and arrived in Philippines via the Duterte administration's Sushi for Adobo cultural exchange program. Bringing a new meaning to the word 'aggression', his devil-may-care attitude makes him a stylish bet. Bloodied 1 time.
COCK STRIKER
WHITE SLASH
Weight 2.5 kg. This veteran bad boy has been fighting for over 6 months. Kevin reverts to a ’Tuck and Grab’ style under pressure. Known for disruptive ringside protests while serving two terms as Poultry Union President where he spearheaded rooster rights, most notably the landmark Gaff Sharpening and Sanitizing Act of 2021.
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BLACK CHIGGER
Weight 3.8 kg. A lanky darling with the ladies. Black’s sleek metallic plumage, rock-a-billy footwork and patented 'beak dunk' set female fans melting. Bloodied 7 times.
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FINANCIER
Weight 2.5 kg. Always a longshot due to an abbreviated wingspan, club handicapping can turn a small bet on this polio surviver into a big payday. Fine is popular with 'cover-your-ass' gamblers as a pocket wager. Bloodied 4x.
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HACKER
Weight 2.6 kg. An up-and-coming youngster from Siquijor with a beak like a battle axe. A seasoned trainer should make him a contender. Unbloodied and ambitious, excellent training credentials.
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SPREAD 'EM
Weight any. Looking for a bird with a great wingspan (1.75m), flashy plumage, full wattles and drooping comb. Non union applicants will receive priority (Sorry, No Phil Health)..
01
King of the Feather Wars
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An inadvertent flying foreskin and a near crucifixion in a mango tree launch two country-singing teens, Beau and Annie, on an island-hopping romp across the Philippines.
Hard times set them to scamming cockfights with a lovable overweight rooster while Annie’s jacked, tricycle-racing boyfriend and his "Midnight Rocket" keep them one step ahead of the police and their homophobic stepfather.
But their luck runs out when Beau risks all at the Slasher Derby Championships. Shot on location in full sunlight, this is not a film for whiners, weepers, or weak-bladdered candy suckers.
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